Blustering through the blog
My first post....ahhh....take me away. This is really nothing more than a place for me to ramble. Should anyone ever stumble upon it to read it, I beg your mercy. Should anyone care to return to read again, I beg your tolerance. Should anyone care to post something themselves, more power to you.
Along that note, I cannot imagine the circumstance that would lead anyone to come here in the first place; but I am forced to realize the cirumstances that compel me to create it. This is my new haven...my silhouette of independent thought and expression...my release...my avenue of tossing ideas, thoughts, and feelings out into the world in their relative undoneness. God bless any and all that come here.
For my first post, it seems only fitting to pay a little bit of tribute to a constant source of inspiration to me. For those of you who may have wondered where the title of this blog originated, it's from a line in an Ani DiFranco poem. For those of you unfamiliar with her or her vast contribution to this world, I encourage you to read one of the many sites dedicated to her as well as support her and any other Righteous Babe recording artist. But enough of that particular soap box. Below is a rant of thought composed while listening to Ani and thinking about...well, the conflict that exists in me between that part of me which seeks only myself and that part of me which seems to have some sort of moral compass. I also feel compelled to say that I'm a guy, but everything else in the song felt somehow applicable at the time. The song is "Joyful Girl" by the way. Here goes nothing.
I do it for the joy it brings
I do it cause I’m a joyful girl
‘Cause the world owes me nothing
We owe each other the world
I’m evil. I’m evil because I find the good in everything. I’m evil because of indulgence. I’m evil because I give in. Conflict descends upon me like a plague resulting only in me tearing up myself. Even when I win I lose.
I do it ‘cause it’s the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Because I want to
The good in me no longer outweighs the bad. The volume of good seems to be overcome by the density of the bad to the point of sheer reckoning.
Everything I do is judged
I mostly get it wrong, oh well.
How can the me that is me continually coexist, as those that are separate but equal seem to exist only to perpetuate themselves and eliminate the other? It is the perpetuation of elimination that overwhelms me. And when one’s natural reaction to stress is to ignore its very existence, it becomes elimination that is perpetuated. And the cycle begins anew.
The bathroom mirror has not budged
The woman who lives there can tell
With blissful ignorance but an oasis of thought, self-limiting stupidity becomes a substitute catharsis. The only problem is I’m not stupid.
The truth from the stuff that they say
She looks me in the eye
You prefer the easy way
Oh well ok then, don’t cry
I’d like to think that it’s as easy as a problem of circumstance, but the circumstance simply reveals the desires. It’s not even about a desire over a principle as the desire itself is principal. The four-square game within moves consistently onward resulting only in the undeniable truth...that which is last cannot go back any further….a fate to which all else is possibly subject….regardless of current position. But I digress.
Whooooooooaaaaaa.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Whooooooooaaaaaa.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Heeeeeeeey-Aaaaaaaaah.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Heeeey-Aaah.
Or is it regress? Or repress? Or recess for that matter. As that seems to be the only constant. Recession.
I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
Of something I want to do more
The question fills my head.
But as much as I seem to know about that which torments me…knowing the question doesn’t mean I know the answer or even understand the question. Because the fundamental question is not what. It’s why. And I can’t even answer the what. What is it that I really want? Why does it seem to change? All the time at once? And it changes to that which excludes that with which it is unnaturally mutually tied? At least Douglas Adams knew the answer. I can’t even settle in on the question. But I do have a pretty good idea. Or is it a bad one? Do I really want what I do? Would I even be doing this if that was the case? But when is it that I’m not really happy with what I’m doing? After? Before? Very rarely during. Although that happens to everyone. Me less than most though. Perhaps therein lies the problem. Obviously, I don’t really know.
I know there’s no grand plan here
This is just the way it goes
When everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings
‘Cause I’m a joyful girl
Because the world owes me nothing.
We owe each other the world.
Joy is not evil though. Nor will it ever be so. Perhaps therein lies the answer. Joy. The pursuit of happiness is full of both liberty and justice for those that choose it as is afforded under the constitution of our very being. The pursuit of joy, however, is freeing and just in and of itself. The very world that serves up happiness in the moment provides joy in all tenses if the joy is sought in a manner which is true. Satan is the thief of joy. And God seeks not simply happiness for those He created. But what do I know about all that anyway. For in being owed nothing, one finds that you deserve nothing. And nothing becomes that which you expect. Nothing.
I do it ‘cause it’s the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Because I want to
Nevermind.
(That's it, and that's all....for now.)
Along that note, I cannot imagine the circumstance that would lead anyone to come here in the first place; but I am forced to realize the cirumstances that compel me to create it. This is my new haven...my silhouette of independent thought and expression...my release...my avenue of tossing ideas, thoughts, and feelings out into the world in their relative undoneness. God bless any and all that come here.
For my first post, it seems only fitting to pay a little bit of tribute to a constant source of inspiration to me. For those of you who may have wondered where the title of this blog originated, it's from a line in an Ani DiFranco poem. For those of you unfamiliar with her or her vast contribution to this world, I encourage you to read one of the many sites dedicated to her as well as support her and any other Righteous Babe recording artist. But enough of that particular soap box. Below is a rant of thought composed while listening to Ani and thinking about...well, the conflict that exists in me between that part of me which seeks only myself and that part of me which seems to have some sort of moral compass. I also feel compelled to say that I'm a guy, but everything else in the song felt somehow applicable at the time. The song is "Joyful Girl" by the way. Here goes nothing.
I do it for the joy it brings
I do it cause I’m a joyful girl
‘Cause the world owes me nothing
We owe each other the world
I’m evil. I’m evil because I find the good in everything. I’m evil because of indulgence. I’m evil because I give in. Conflict descends upon me like a plague resulting only in me tearing up myself. Even when I win I lose.
I do it ‘cause it’s the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Because I want to
The good in me no longer outweighs the bad. The volume of good seems to be overcome by the density of the bad to the point of sheer reckoning.
Everything I do is judged
I mostly get it wrong, oh well.
How can the me that is me continually coexist, as those that are separate but equal seem to exist only to perpetuate themselves and eliminate the other? It is the perpetuation of elimination that overwhelms me. And when one’s natural reaction to stress is to ignore its very existence, it becomes elimination that is perpetuated. And the cycle begins anew.
The bathroom mirror has not budged
The woman who lives there can tell
With blissful ignorance but an oasis of thought, self-limiting stupidity becomes a substitute catharsis. The only problem is I’m not stupid.
The truth from the stuff that they say
She looks me in the eye
You prefer the easy way
Oh well ok then, don’t cry
I’d like to think that it’s as easy as a problem of circumstance, but the circumstance simply reveals the desires. It’s not even about a desire over a principle as the desire itself is principal. The four-square game within moves consistently onward resulting only in the undeniable truth...that which is last cannot go back any further….a fate to which all else is possibly subject….regardless of current position. But I digress.
Whooooooooaaaaaa.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Whooooooooaaaaaa.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Heeeeeeeey-Aaaaaaaaah.
Hey-Ah. Hey-Aaaaaaah.
Heeeey-Aaah.
Or is it regress? Or repress? Or recess for that matter. As that seems to be the only constant. Recession.
I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
Of something I want to do more
The question fills my head.
But as much as I seem to know about that which torments me…knowing the question doesn’t mean I know the answer or even understand the question. Because the fundamental question is not what. It’s why. And I can’t even answer the what. What is it that I really want? Why does it seem to change? All the time at once? And it changes to that which excludes that with which it is unnaturally mutually tied? At least Douglas Adams knew the answer. I can’t even settle in on the question. But I do have a pretty good idea. Or is it a bad one? Do I really want what I do? Would I even be doing this if that was the case? But when is it that I’m not really happy with what I’m doing? After? Before? Very rarely during. Although that happens to everyone. Me less than most though. Perhaps therein lies the problem. Obviously, I don’t really know.
I know there’s no grand plan here
This is just the way it goes
When everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings
‘Cause I’m a joyful girl
Because the world owes me nothing.
We owe each other the world.
Joy is not evil though. Nor will it ever be so. Perhaps therein lies the answer. Joy. The pursuit of happiness is full of both liberty and justice for those that choose it as is afforded under the constitution of our very being. The pursuit of joy, however, is freeing and just in and of itself. The very world that serves up happiness in the moment provides joy in all tenses if the joy is sought in a manner which is true. Satan is the thief of joy. And God seeks not simply happiness for those He created. But what do I know about all that anyway. For in being owed nothing, one finds that you deserve nothing. And nothing becomes that which you expect. Nothing.
I do it ‘cause it’s the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Because I want to
Nevermind.
(That's it, and that's all....for now.)
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